5.0 out of 5 based on 2 reviews. – Customer review on 08/04/2007

i would reccommend any of the "dance of..." books to anyone. they are so telling. it is like sittng with your own private psychologist... absolutely revealing amazing book. a lot of self help stuff out there is absolute garbage, but this is truly amazing insightful stuff... i am also pretty sure the author was on oprah if that seals the deal for you! ha ha

5.0 out of 5 based on 2 reviews. – Customer review on 02/01/2007

Not just for women

I was recommended Harriet Lerner's "Dance of Intimacy" from a friend and am so glad I read it. It was well crafted and enlightening to me and did not trivialize the problems of complex relationships as some self-help books tend to do. As a man though, I feel the book dates itself with feminist bias and generalizations towards men that do not contribute to the theme of the book - that of working through complex obstacles to intimacy in key relationships.

I almost stopped reading the book on the very first chapter because of statements like "...women do far better alone than do their male counterparts and do not benefit as much from marriage. Yet men often seem oddly unconcerned about improving or changing a relationship once they have one." I grant some people feel that way, but it was an attitude that might alienate some readers who would clearly benefit from this book. I am very glad I continued reading because the author does an excellent job of relating real life experiences of those with challenging obstacles to intimacy and how they courageously overcame them. There were times were I honestly had a "wow - it makes perfect sense" moments while reading this. The author's logic is well articulated and engaging. I especially appreciate how the author does not condescend the reader or oversimplify the case studies - they are real, relatable, and very challenging. Some of the suggestions from Lerner are difficult to apply but the author makes a convincing argument why these suggestions must be heeded for someone to successfully navigate the intimacy obstacles they might face.

I believe that men can and will get a lot out of this book, but it needs to be updated to post-feminist and less gender specific. All of the case studies in the book were relatable I believe to all people, not just women and I would frankly love for more men to read this. It is a pity more books of this type aren't gender neutral or at least written towards men because challenges with intimacy is not just something for women alone to deal with.