CONTENTS
Foreword by Keith Ferrazzi xiii
Preface to the Paperback Edition xv
Acknowledgments xvii
SECTION I The Secret to Reaching Anyone 1
1 Who’s Holding YOU Hostage? 3
2 A Little Science: How the Brain Goes from “No” to “Yes” 14
SECTION II The 9 Core Rules for Getting Through to Anyone 25
3 Move Yourself from “Oh F#@& to OK” 27
4 Rewire Yourself to Listen 36
5 Make the Other Person Feel “Felt” 45
6 Be More Interested Than Interesting 55
7 Make People Feel Valuable 64
8 Help People to Exhale Emotionally and Mentally 69
9 Check Your Dissonance at the Door 77
10 When All Seems Lost—Bare Your Neck 87
11 Steer Clear of Toxic People 94
SECTION III 12 Easy-to-Use Tools for Achieving Buy-in and Getting Through 109
12 The Impossibility Question 111
13 The Magic Paradox 116
14 The Empathy Jolt 123
15 The Reverse Play, Empathy Jolt #2 132
16 “Do You Believe That?” 138
17 The Power of “Hmmm. . . .” 142
18 The Stipulation Gambit 150
19 From Transaction to Transformation 155
20 Side by Side 163
21 Fill in the Blanks 170
22 Take It All the Way to “No” 176
23 The Power Thank You and Power Apology 180
SECTION IV Fast Fixes for 7 Challenging Situations 187
24 The Team from Hell 189
25 Climbing the Ladder 194
26 The Narcissist at the Table 197
27 Stranger in Town 200
28 The Human Explosion 204
29 Getting Through to Yourself 209
30 Six Degrees of Separation 215
Afterword 221
Index 223
About the Author 231
Keynotes/Workshops 233
Mark Goulston is a business adviser, consultant, coach, speaker, and psychiatrist. The author of Get Out of Your Own Way and other popular books, he blogs for Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, Business Insider, The Huffington Post, and Psychology Today; co-hosts a weekly radio show; and is featured frequently in major media, including The Wall Street Journal, Fortune, Newsweek, Time, CNN, Fox News, and the TODAY show.
"Backed by the latest scientific research, simple but powerful
techniques that can turn frustration and anger into engagement are
explained." -HR magazine (Hong Kong)
"Readers learn how to listen effectively, shift an angry or
aggressive person into a calmer, more receptive state, and use
empathy jolts to bridge a communication gap." --Idealist
Careers
..".filled with great questions that will absolutely 'Increase Your
Leadership Effectiveness X10!' This is a must buy book for every
leader and every coach! --Bob Tiede, Leading with Questions
blog
..".ranks as one of my all-time favorite books and is, in my humble
opinion, the BEST book written on this very important topic."
--Linkedin
"Once in a while a book comes along that makes us slow down, become
introspective and thus, learn and transform...Such a book is Just
Listen." --Parking Today
..".provides numerous insights and tips for impactful listening
written in an engaging and thoroughly enjoyable manner." --Daily
Times
..".offers nine core rules for reaching anyone, from Beelzebub down
to the lowliest staffer, as well as a host of easy-to-use tools,
concrete action steps, and illuminating examples." --Accounting
Today
..".useful insights into opening anyone up--a recalcitrant vendor,
a desirable prospect, a client dragging ass....Goulston's words
gave me sizable goosebumps." --Forbes.com
"Just Listen is a banquet of approaches and ideas that's easy to
devour the first time around, and a flavorful feast whenever you
use portions as a reference book. It's certainly one of the best
how-to books of the year." --Inland Empire Business Journal
"Just Listen is an excellent guide for learning how to break down
barriers." --Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
"Just Listen is not only helpful for any kind of business, it
teaches a skill that will aid you outside of the office too."
--Niche Magazine
"an impressive bag of tricks... a guide that is as entertaining as
it is useful" --Publishers Weekly
"useful and applicable techniques and strategies for everything
from getting teams to work together, to handling narcissistic
clients (or is that a redundancy?), and getting your message across
to even the most impenetrable people" --Accounting Today
"[Mark Goulston] understands communication, and he understands
people...Who would benefit from reading Just Listen? I can't think
of anyone who wouldn't." --The Chronicle Herald
"A primer on dealing with hard-to-reach people in virtually every
scenario -- defiant executives, angry employees, families in
turmoil, warring couples -- through use of well-honed psychological
techniques. Illustrative snippets from counseling session reveal
martial-arts like techniques: potent on their own, but even more
powerful when you combine them. Chapter summaries feature action
steps preparing readers to encounter similar scenarios, yielding a
guide that is as entertaining as it is useful."
--CareerBuilder.com
"Goulston helps the reader to learn how to get through to anyone."
--Business Now Magazine
"Hell, Sartre pointed out, is other people, but it turns out that
there are ways to make them less devilish...trick is to learn to
really listen in the way described by this book." --Accounting
Today
"It's a measure of how contentious work relationships can get that
the author, a psychiatrist, draws on hostage-negotiation techniques
to instruct readers on how to deal with 'defiant executives, angry
employees or self-destructing management teams'.... Mission
accomplished." --Time Magazine
"The most useful (five-star) book on communicating... Everyone can
be a better communicator with the right knowledge, and this book
makes learning interesting and easy." --Lindsey Novak, nationally
syndicated "At Work" columnist
"We all have difficult and unpleasant conversations throughout our
lives...Mark gives us the key to not only making these
conversations smoother, but help you communicate on a deeper
level." --Optimized Geek
"We're all held captive when someone refuses to communicate.
[Goulston's] 12 easy tools to achieve buy-in and seven fast fixes
for challenging situations are particularly helpful for everyday
use." --Working Strategies
"Who would benefit from reading Just Listen? I can't think of
anyone who wouldn't --customer service staff, managers,
salespeople, parents, you name it..." --The Chronicle Herald
[starred review] "Drawing on his experience as a psychiatrist,
business consultant, and FBI hostage-negotiation trainer, Goulston
provides brilliant yet doable techniques for getting through to
others... This book transcends the self-help category by promoting
real communication." --Library Journal
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