In "When Parents Hurt," psychologist and parent Joshua Coleman, Ph.D., offers insight, empathy, and perspective to those who have lost the opportunity to be the parent they desperately wanted to be and who are mourning the loss of a harmonious relationship with their child. Through case examples and healing exercises, Dr. Coleman helps parents:

Reduce anger, guilt, and shame

Learn how temperament, the teen years, their own or a partner's mistakes, and divorce can strain the parent-child bond

Come to terms with their own and their child's imperfections

Develop strategies for rebuilding the relationship or move toward acceptance of what can't be changed

By helping parents recognize what they can do and let go of what they cannot, Dr. Coleman helps families develop more positive ways of healing themselves and relating to each other.

Reviews

A recognized parenting, family, and relationship expert and a father of three, Coleman (The Lazy Husband: How To Get Men To Do More Parenting and Housework) pre-sents a superb treatment for parents wounded emotionally or psychologically by their children. Given immediacy by the author's own admissions and experiences, the work is an accessible, hopeful exploration of the pain and loss surrounding problematic parent and teen/adult child relationships. Coleman begins by acknowledging the shame parents feel when relationships with their offspring go bad. He then offers a mix of approaches through tips for rebuilding the relationship--these include guidelines, cognitive-behavioral exercises, education, and practical advice. He further provides comfort and realistic counsel for multiple sources of tension (e.g., divorce, substance abuse) and, in cases where a relationship cannot be mended, he gives strategies for acceptance and serenity. This is a hot topic--see, e.g., Jane Isay's Walking on Eggshells, Susan Jonas and Marilyn Nissenson's Friends for Life, and Deborah Tannen's You're Wearing That?--but Coleman takes a unique and groundbreaking approach. An eyeopening read for anyone; essential for public libraries.--Shawna Thorup, Fayetteville P.L., AR Copyright 2007 Reed Business Information.

Parenting and relationship expert Coleman points out that one can be a devoted parent and still have things run amok. Parents who have made mistakes and those who haven't can both be involved in a hurtful relationship with an older child; Coleman's focus is on helping the parent cope and carry on. In individual chapters, he explores the many reasons why a relationship can falter, examining how divorce, mismatches in child/parent personalities and the demands of a competitive society can adversely affect the child/parent relationship. Using case studies from his psychology practice as well as his own experiences as a divorced father who once faced a difficult time with his eldest daughter, Coleman provides strategies for managing the guilt and regret that can arise in parents as children grow into teens and young adults. He advises parents to take responsibility for their past actions, to make amends, to forgive both themselves and their children, and to move guilt and shame to the background and gratitude to the foreground. By following these "essential principles," Coleman claims, emotionally wounded parents will begin to overcome the pain of relationships gone awry and move on to a more hopeful future. Coleman's personable writing style makes this an engaging read despite the serious subject matter. (June) Copyright 2007 Reed Business Information.

"An especially healing, practical resource. . .for anyone exhausted by strained, hurtful relationships with their adolescent or grown child."----Dr. Linda Nielsen, Professor of Adolescent Psychology & Women's Studies, Wake Forest University and author of Embracing Your Father: Building the Relationship You Always Wanted With Your Dad