Hesha Abrams is the founder of Hesha Abrams Mediation and is an internationally renowned mediator who has successfully resolved thousands of cases over the past thirty years, from simple car accidents to multibillion-dollar disputes involving titans of industry. Abrams received a JD from Florida State University College of Law and went on to become a successful trial lawyer. She is the recipient of many awards, including Corporate Counsel's 2021 top-rated lawyer and the Martindale-Hubbell AV rating. Abrams has spoken at the International Symposium on Negotiation and Conflict Resolution and mediates in countries all over the world.
“Holding the Calm helps the reader understand the complex dynamic
of intractable conflicts. Hesha’s extraordinary breadth of
experience is shared in bite-size truths that make practical
application very easy. While other books espouse different
theories, Holding the Calm unpacks conflict and helps all of us,
whether a mediator, negotiator, employer, or even a parent—find
practical and creative solutions to difficult situations. It is a
must-read and a book that you will want to refer to again and
again.”
—Cindy Hallberlin, Esq., General Counsel and Chief Compliance
Officer, Digital Health Institute for Transformation
“You are amazing at what you do and how you approach it—world
class, really. This book is an extension of that. Like reading a
book from Tiger Woods about putting, Celine Dion about hitting
sustained notes, or Steven Spielberg on storytelling, even if they
can’t perfectly reproduce the lessons of the master, readers will
become better at their craft by studying the master.”
—Alan Fisch, Esq., Managing Partner, Fisch Sigler, LLP
“Transcending the courts and offering huge value to business, Hesha
smartly delivers wisdom and power gleaned from a lifetime in
mediation. All organizations have guards at the gates of change
that may be detrimental to growth and value. Though difficult to
identify, people, and the processes they control, often reveal
themselves only when they draw swords to defend positions or the
status quo, regardless of evidence or rational thought. Holding the
Calm provides a playbook of techniques leaders can draw upon to
help their guards capture new opportunities available to the
business while preserving the valuable of the present.”
—Rod Hightower, former Fortune 500 executive, private equity
president, and CEO
“This isn‘t a book on theory. Hesha Abrams is a boots-on-the-ground
mediator focused on what works in the trenches of negotiation
warfare. Through decades of experience of trial by fire, Hesha has
discovered the secrets to dissolve egos, assuage big personalities,
and loosen up those dug-in heels. Holding the Calm shares those
lessons in easy-to-read, bite-size chunks. I‘ve highlighted my copy
up and down, and will keep it near, for the next time I need to
unstick a sticky situation. I want a copy for everyone on my
team.”
—Michael Eddy, Director, Investments and Accountability, Stanford
Impact Labs
“Hesha generously shares the secrets of her extraordinary success
as an all-star mediator in Holding the Calm. Her goal is to help us
all resolve disputes by understanding how to recognize the human
traits in all people that lead to disputes of every kind. Hesha’s
gift is the ability to discern the motivation of those who are
enmeshed in the cycle of anger, fear, pride, the urge to control,
and the tarpit of negative human emotion . . . and how to lead
everyone to defuse those triggers with calm and true empathy. She
is truly one-of-a-kind who not only does but also teaches.”
—Hon. Faith S. Hochberg, US District Judge (Ret.) and Principal,
Hochberg ADR
“Holding the Calm is such a powerful and important concept and tool
that everyone should learn and practice, especially in today‘s
environment. Mental health issues have been on the rise in schools.
This is a very much-needed skill for students to better navigate
their lives and should be in every curriculum.”
—Dawn Song, Professor, Computer Science, UC Berkeley
“Hesha is one of the rare people on the planet who was put here
with a mission: to use her compassion, intellect, creativity, and
talent to help people in conflict find peace. Her work as a
mediator and peacemaker has been inspiring to other mediators, and
her skill set is beautifully displayed in this very personal and
very powerful new book. Hesha speaks from the heart, not just from
her brilliant head. Read it and, more importantly, incorporate it
into your practice. Her successes are legendary, and her passion is
inspiring.”
—Kay Elliott, Esq., attorney-mediator and coach for ADR advocates,
Texas A&M School of Law
“This book absolutely rocks. We have many colleagues that pen books
that are so densely filled with medical or legal terminology or
shorthand that they are inaccessible gibberish to the average
reader. Then there are the volumes of mystical weirdness that
encourage people to hug each other in a cosmic field filled with
lavender and Skittles until their chakras fall out. Your book is
direct and practical. All readers will learn something new or
reimagine their current approach to conflict, regardless of their
current skill level. Thank you for unleashing this knowledge into
the universe! I’m already waiting for the sequel!”
—David Aaron DeSoto, Esq., Senior Associate, Mann Law Firm PLLC
“This book is wonderfully written and should be part of the library
of all those who want to expand their knowledge and learn how to
engage with conflict. Holding the Calm gives a road map to managing
conflict, and the anecdotes and allegories are instrumental. Far
too often, books about mediation are stiff and quite frankly dull.
On the other hand, Abrams makes the topic down-to-earth,
energizing, and revivifying.”
—Sheryl Jackson-Matthews, MBA, mediator and arbitrator
“Sometimes it seems like anger, conflict, and aggression define the
human condition. Hesha’s book provides the perfect antidote. A
must-read for anyone who navigates life’s difficult conversations:
mediators, negotiators, salespeople, employees, employers,
committee heads—the list is endless. You’re guaranteed to improve
your responses and your results!”
—Sarah Caverhill, Vice President of Sales, The Ken Blanchard
Companies, and coauthor of Your Leadership Legacy
“What a great book! Full of really useful and practical
information. Your enthusiasm for your art and passion for helping
people find their peace is obvious. My favorite part was ‘How big
can we get? How smart, wise, kind, and skillful? I don’t know, I’m
not dead yet.’ Love it!”
—Hilary Rapkin, Esq., Chief Legal Officer, WEX, Inc.
“As an intellectual property litigator for more than thirty years
and manager of attorneys and clients for many of them, I know Hesha
is correct that most conflict-focused decision-making typically
comes from a place of fear. Once you understand that and the
particular fears that are in play, you can use the tools outlined
in this terrific book, provided in an easy-to-understand and
relatable form, to move difficult people and problems to a
successful conclusion. The insights provided in this book are
important to understand for anyone dealing in conflict, not just
mediators.”
—Robert Brunelli, Esq., Sheridan Ross PC
“If everyone were to know what Holding the Calm reveals, the world
would be a considerably different place. In crisp and accessible
fashion, Holding the Calm sheds light on how to overcome some of
the most perplexing issues businesses and humans experience. I
laughed, nodded, and underlined text the whole way through.”
—Chris Gaspar, Esq., Partner, Milbank
“Hesha Abrams is a tour de force and so, too, is Holding the Calm.
Drawing on more than thirty years of high-stakes mediations, Hesha
opens the door to exploring the human psyche. And that’s where the
real magic is: understanding people, their motivations, their
fears, their need for validation, all aimed at the noble calling of
finding peace. Let’s hope for a sequel—this writer has more to
offer.”
—Craig Florence, Esq., Partner, Foley & Lardner
“Hesha pours her wisdom, intuition, and gravitas into this powerful
book that pulls back the curtain to reveal some of her
extraordinary secrets and skills. Simply put, Hesha is the best
mediator in the business. Hesha has polished her abilities to the
point where they are truly out-of-this-world great. This real
page-turner of a book is jam-packed full of her experiences and
anecdotal stories and contains important information for any lawyer
who wants to better serve clients through meaningful negotiation
advocacy.”
—Dawn Estes, Esq., Partner, Estes Thorne Carr
“In this book, Hesha extracts from her wealth of mediation
experiences key lessons and skills for mediators, mediation
advocates, and negotiators. The book delivers that information in a
self-help, easy-to-digest style that captures the reader’s
attention and invites thoughtful consideration without getting
bogged down in lots of verbiage.”
—Harrie Samaras, Esq., President, ADR Office of Harrie Samaras
“Just read Hesha’s Holding the Calm in one sitting. How refreshing
that we have a book that lays out some of the most successful ways
to bridge gaps and bring people together with the goal of striking
a deal. I can’t wait to order dozens of her book for all my lawyer
friends and fellow general counsel colleagues.”
—John Harvey, Esq., General Counsel, Innovation First
International
“Hesha Abrams has given the community a tome of serious, practical
advice with interjected humor. A tome is, by definition, a heavy,
serious book. Her tome is light in length but heavy in suggestions
to make the magic of conflict resolution work. I am still
experimenting with her suggestion of the difference between could
and would. It is a good, quick read to encourage us in some of the
darkest hours to use this process.”
—Cecilia Morgan, Esq., JAMS panelist and ADR professional
“Hesha Abrams is, by far, the best mediator I have ever appeared
before. And her new book is, by far, the best book on conflict
resolution I have ever read.”
—Howard A. Kroll, Esq., Partner, Tucker Ellis LLP
“Hesha’s ‘tools for your toolbox,’ so to speak, offer helpful
pathways to consider when hopelessly stuck and looking for
traction. Great work—I will be shamelessly adopting ideas from your
book in mediations down the road!”
—Mark W. Sims, Past President, Texas Association of Mediators
“Hesha has created a toolbox based on her decades of experiential
knowledge, compassion, and empathy working with high-conflict
issues and individuals. Holding the Calm is a gift full of
guidance, advice, and helpful tips to bring peace in the midst of
the storm. I particularly enjoyed the chapter on situational
awareness—read the room!”
—Danette J. Ross Watson, Executive Director, West Texas Community
Mediation Center, and President, Texas Association of Mediators
“I want to express my appreciation of, and admiration for, Holding
the Calm, and the best way to do this is to vote with my
pocketbook, and to that end I’d like to preorder twenty-five
copies. In a profession defined by conflict, complexity, and
change, few mediators have a North Star to guide them as the
settlement process reaches its darkest point. Holding the
Calm—filled with stories, quotes, and perspectives no one can
forget—will be that North Star to many of us going forward.”
—John DeGroote, Esq., attorney-mediator
“I read your book during my flight to Seattle and back. Your style
is so unique and your advice so specific—just about no one else
does that. And if anyone else does do it, they do not do it with
the skill, tenacity, wisdom, and imagination that you bring to the
table. It’s really good! It presents important and very useful
ideas, and mediators and advocates will certainly benefit from it.
Outstanding!”
—Arthur Chaykin, mediator
“I already knew firsthand that Hesha delivers as a world-class
mediator. I didn’t know whether she was any good at teaching. She’s
apparently great at that too. This book is filled with wisdom and
offers tools that I wish every mediator had. It also provides
important insights to litigators, who are in a constant negotiation
during the life of their cases, not just when mediating.”
—Jeff Eichmann, Esq., Partner, Dovel and Luner
“Congratulations on a fine work. I believe you have really created
a work of art. I loved the many examples as well as the stories. I
am one of those people who learn though others’ experiences. Thank
you for creating this for all of us.”
—Don Swift, mediator
“Don’t be fooled by this easy, fun read by a master mediator and
deal maker. Beneath the surface lies pattern recognition and
insight from decades in the trenches of strident conflict informed
by recent advances in social and brain science. This brilliant book
sits at the corner of theory and practice, ready to improve your
game on Monday.”
—Don Philbin, Jr. JD, MBA, LLM, Curator, ADR Toolbox
“The book contains so much wisdom, advice, and encouragement that
it is worth reading again and again and again. It’s needed and
important! The book is light (a good thing) and intelligent. Thanks
for sharing at so many different levels.”
—Gene Roberts, Jr., Esq., Director, Student Legal & Mediation
Services, Sam Houston State University
“Hesha explains her performance-based strategies in Holding the
Calm in an easy-to-understand and easy-to-apply way. Hesha’s
techniques provide a special awareness of people that help lead to
successful outcomes.”
—Judy Eddy, Educator, American Association of University Women
“All the anecdotes, historical notations, and personal stories kept
me engaged from beginning to end. I did feel like we were sitting
across from each other chatting away. I was recently thinking about
the post office and all the current chaos, and it reminded me about
the past shootings and how we haven’t had any there. Thank you for
explaining why!”
—Lisa Rogy, Business Practice Manager, Back on Point Wellness Dr.
Kim Chiropractic, Inc.
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