April Fools a Farce in One Act, for Three Male Characters
Excerpt from April Fools a Farce in One Act, for Three Male Characters Scene. - Dunnbrowne's parlor. Entrances R. and L. Table, C. Chairs R. and L. of table. Newspaper and letters on the table. Dunnbrowne. (without) Well, good morning, my dears, (shows himself in the doorway R.)Don't be away all the morning, and do be merciful in your purchases. (enters R.) Happy is the man who is not troubled with a trio of beautiful daughters, who are incessantly going out shopping. My daughters seem to take a delight in spending my money. I suppose they act upon the principle that, if a thing is worth doing at all it is worth doing well, and as shopping is their chief and only occupation, they strive, and I may add, succeed, to do it as well as any young ladies in this mundane sphere possibly could, (sits R.)I find it of no use whatever to expostulate with them about what I consider their extravagance in dress, for they argue that as they do all the buying and I do all the paying, it is nothing but a right and proper division of labor. Now let me see what trouble has come to me through that prodigious engine of commerce, the post office, this morning. opens a letter) Another bill from Messrs. Newshape and Whitestraw, the milliners! It is only two weeks since I paid them $25 (looks at the bill) - $37.50 for millinery! Enough to provide me with hats for twenty years, (opens another letter) More bills! This is Mrs. Goodfit's bill for dressmaking: forty dollars, (throws the bill on the table) Oh, this is going a little beyond all reason. The fact of the matter is, I shall be ruined if this sort of thing is not stopped. (walks across the room two or three times then pauses) I wish some kind, upright and steady young men of affluent means would come forward and take one or two of my daughters off my hands. I'm sure they would make excellent wives. (sits R., - takes another letter) I am almost afraid to open this one; but I may as well know the extent of my trouble at once - suspense is useless - so here goes. (opens the letter) What's this? (reads it over rapidly in silence) How opportune! This is precisely what I have long been wishing for. (reads) "Dear sir, - For a long period of time I have fondly and madly loved your daughter Fanny, with a passion that would require the prolific brain of a poet to describe, but I have never had the courage to declare my passion to her." About the Publisher Forgotten Books publishes hundreds of thousands of rare and classic books. Find more at www.forgottenbooks.com This book is a reproduction of an important historical work. Forgotten Books uses state-of-the-art technology to digitally reconstruct the work, preserving the original format whilst repairing imperfections present in the aged copy. In rare cases, an imperfection in the original, such as a blemish or missing page, may be replicated in our edition. We do, however, repair the vast majority of imperfections successfully; any imperfections that remain are intentionally left to preserve the state of such historical works.