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Befriending Your Ex After Divorce
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This book will show readers that it's both possible and desirable to have a positive, ongoing relationship with your ex long after the marriage has ended.

About the Author

Judith Ruskay Rabinor, PhD, is author of A Starving Madness and founder and director of the American Eating Disorders Centre of Long Island. She has a private practice in New York City. Divorced over twenty-five years ago, Rabinor has since remarried and co parented her two grown children.

Reviews

"Befriending Your Ex after Divorce is a wise, practical, and compassionate guide that will help make your transition easier, happier, and ultimately a pathway to renewal. It is a gateway into forgiveness--which is the key to all lasting change. This is a must-read for anyone going through a divorce with children."

--Barbara Biziou, author of The Joy of Ritual and The Joy of Family Rituals


"Divorce ends a marriage; it doesn't end a family.... This book teaches separated spouses how to let go of the anger, grief, and resentment that prevents them from getting on with their lives."

--Melinda Blau, author of fourteen books, including Families Apart: Ten Keys to Successful Co-Parenting and award-winning journalist


"I highly recommend this book to anyone who truly wants to get along with their ex--as well as to those who have no interest in being friends. Every page is full of well-researched information that can help even the most jilted of spouses relate to their ex in a way that holds the best interest of the children as a top priority and promotes healing for everyone involved. It should be mandatory reading for anyone whose marriage is ending."

--Susan Pease Gadoua, LCSW, author of Contemplating Divorce and Stronger Day by Day


"In my over 35 years as a practicing divorce attorney at Jenner & Block, I have seen too many divorcing couples act out grudges with their exes in destructive post-divorce conflicts. Much has already been written to minimize these outcomes by explaining the importance of having a good divorce for the sake of the children, and proposing strategies for co-parenting after divorce. Rabinor's book, however, goes deeper and offers a fresh perspective by focusing on the couple's personal relationship after divorce.... A groundbreaking perspective, certain to reframe our thinking on post-divorce life."

--James. H. Feldman, Esq, family law partner and board chair of The Family Institute at Northwestern University


"Judith Ruskay Rabinor is a clinical psychologist who has felt the pain of divorce herself and helped hundreds of clients through those trials. If you are facing a painful break-up or have experienced one, or if you simply want to help someone who has, this book is for you. Abraham Lincoln said, 'Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?' Now, here is Rabinor's accumulated wisdom on this topic. She aims at not just helping you minimize pain, but enlisting an ally. You can draw on her wisdom in this book if you want to help make life more peaceful and productive for your children, yourself, and your ex."

--Everett L. Worthington, Jr., author of Forgiving and Reconciling (InterVarsity Press)


"One of the hardest things we are called upon to do in life is to open our hearts to someone who hurt or betrayed us. Yet therapists deal every day with the tragic consequences to divorced families when the exes keep feuding and stewing. Befriending Your Ex after Divorce helps former partners access the love and compassion they have for each other that is buried beneath the pain. The post-divorce life of families doesn't have to be barren and bitter. This book can help make it a period of learning and beauty."

--Richard Schwartz, PhD, founder and director of Internal Family Systems and author of Introduction to Internal Family Systems Therapy and You Are the One You've Been Waiting For


"Rabinor's book compels us to remember what we all know deep down inside: being good parents and role models to our children is the most important life purpose. While it may be human to carry the hurt and disappointment of a failed marriage, it is our job to protect our children from our experiences. Letting go will not only be good for our children, but for us and our exes as well. Read this book and spare yourself unnecessary time, grief, and legal fees. Take her advice and you will learn to manage your relationship with your former spouse in a healthy, productive manner."

--Wendy Hoey Scheinberg, Esq


"This book is an invaluable resource for divorcing parents who want their children to grow up healthy and emotionally secure in a dual-household family. Rabinor's insight, experience, humor, and spunk make her one of my favorite experts to interview for my films."

--Leta Lenik, documentary film producer whose films include Hungry to be Heard and Women Unchained


"This is an inspiring book that every divorced parent should have on their night table, and every therapist who works with divorcing families should have it in their office. Judith Ruskay Rabinor offers both a professional and personal model of co-parenting that nurtures emotional connection with oneself, as well as emotional communication with one's ex. Her work is based on a deep understanding of the importance of maintaining healthy attachment bonds, for the sake of both children and parents, alike.

--Diana Fosha, PhD, founder and director of the AEDP Institute


"Whether you're angry or sad about the breakup, Befriending Your Ex after Divorce shows you how to manage your feelings and find healthy new ways to relate to your ex. A valuable guidebook that should be read by everyone who has an ex!"

--Constance R. Ahrons, PhD, author of The Good Divorce and We're Still Family

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