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Come Closer

Everyone engages in self-protecting behaviours to some extent, but when these begin to take on the form of bad habits, they can be damaging. People often use self-protection strategies in love and relationships to mitigate potential pain or heartbreak. This book considers the defence mechanisms inadvertently used to avoid closeness with other people, the inner self, and reality and any resulting distress from confrontation with these bodies. This book will teach you how to recognise specific protective behaviours that hinder close relationships and why we engage in them. By understanding the source of these patterns and objectively considering the alternatives, the author will guide you on the path to overcome negative protection strategies and embrace positive relationships. With a foundation in psychology, this book will also be of interest to professional counsellors and therapists.
Product Details

Table of Contents

Foreword. Introduction. 1. Self-protection strategies. 2. When self-protection strategies become automatic. 3. Fear of closeness, grief, and loss of control. 4. Negative patterns that can hinder a successful love life. 5. Parental idealisation. 6. A feeling of total consciousness. 7. Dismantling inappropriate self-protection strategies. 8. The way home. Acknowledgements. Bibliography.

Promotional Information

A practical guide to understanding and overcoming the behaviours that hinder close relationships

About the Author

Ilse Sand is a theology graduate from the University of Aarhus, where she wrote her Master's thesis on C.G. Jung and Soren Kierkegaard. She is also trained in several psychotherapeutic approaches and is registered with the Association for Psychotherapy in Denmark. After being employed for several years as a parish priest for the Danish National Church she now works as a supervisor, trainer, speaker and therapist. See more at


A powerful book that has given me new and valuable knowledge about my self. -- Cecilie Larsen, reader. This book is a must-read for parents, couples, and everyone else who wants positive relationships. -- Gitte L., reader When I read "Come Closer", the content seemed both new and obvious at the same time as I recognised myself in several of the book's examples. In the past, I have wondered about some of my behavior patterns, but now I understand them better. I'm glad that somebody gave me this book and for the new insights it has given me. -- Palle, 61 years old, reader Come Closer helps you unearth those self-protection strategies you didn't know you had and don't know what to do with. Ilse Sand gets them out in the open where she shows you how to dismantle them, one by one, and allow yourself to become rooted, instead, in security, self-acceptance and love. -- Deborah Ward, HSP and Personal Growth Writer This book is beautifully written, using helpful examples to illustrate each point. It made me think about how to deepen relationships in ways that I had never considered before, and I have been a couples' therapist for 25 years! A brilliant book that will help you to be closer to yourself, your lived reality, and thus to others. -- Juliet Grayson, UKCP Registered Psychosexual Therapist & Author of Landscapes of the Heart, the working world of a sex and relationship therapist

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