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Creepy the Clown

My name is "Creepy" the Clown, but you can call me Creepy. I'm no different from any other stuffed clown that graduated from Yale with honors. By night you'll typically find me hiding in your closet, or out on your dinner table at 3 am. scaring the ripe shit out of everyone in your house. Some people say, "Creepy, how do you do it? How did you get so damn scary?" For me it's just a job. I didn't choose this life. Horrifying people doesn't define me. You may say that I've got it made these days, but you don't know where I came from. Life wasn't always this glamorous. I grew up on the mean streets of South Central LA. We didn't have too many choices. Where I was from, you either joined a clown posse, or some 3-yr old was putting his fingers up your ass . . . after he put them up his own ass. You had to prove you were tough every day. I didn't start out all creepy and scary, no. The streets did that to me. I'm not going to say those children forced themselves on me, but the facts speak for themselves. You can only have some disgusting little kid keister you for so many nights before you start hiding in closets and crawling under beds. Pretty soon you realize that if you haunt those little bastards, they quit fondling you. It was my fear that galvanized my abilities to lurk and horrify those little assholes - some of which are reading this book right now. All those dark memories made me the clown I am today . . . the clown you fear! Just to be clear, success has definitely gone to my head. By all accounts, I'm a real piece of shit. If you leave me alone with your stuffed animals, then you'd better have your sewing kit ready because I'm ripping them a new one. - You can call me "Creepy."
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About the Author

Creepy received an advanced degree in both Humanities and Philosophy from Yale. He went on to do his masters and doctorate work at Harvard where he received letters in both Particle Physics and Business Finance. He splits his time between the Bahamas, the south of Spain, and on a ranch in Texas where he manages 110 racing Quarter horses.

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