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The D-Word: Talking about Dying
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Table of Contents

Welcome to the D-Word
Personal Stories
Structure

A personal Note




SECTION ONE: DENIAL OF THE D-WORD
Spiritual Values
An Entitlement to Life
The Effect On the Natural World






SECTION TWO: DAYS GONE BY


The Mediaeval Ars Moriendi
From Home to Hospital
The Media






SECTION 3: DYING FROM A MEDICAL PERSPECTIVE


The GP: The First Port of Call
The Intensive Care Anaesthetist: Difficult End-of-Life Decisions
The Palliative Medicine Consultant: Clear Communication
The Palliative Care Clinical Nurse Specialist: Planning the Best Place to Die
The Hospice Nurse: The Importance of Listening
The Nursing Home Carer: Importance of Acting Normally






SECTION 4: FAITH MAY HELP
The Bishop: The Easter Story
The Muslim Chaplain: Testament of Faith
The Rabbi: A Ritual Path
The Buddhist: the Importance of Community
The Hindu: Karma and Reincarnation

SECTION FIVE: HAVING THE CONVERSATION








Broaching the D-Word
When Relatives Are in Denial
When the Dying Person Doesn't Want to Know
When There's No Resolution
When Children Are Not Allowed to Talk

SECTION 6: SUDDEN OR VIOLENT DEATH





A Brother's Murder
A Car Crash
A Sudden Heart Attack
A Miscarriage
Coping with Suicide

SECTION 7: FINDING SUPPORT
Speaking Euphemistically
Not Everyone Experiences Grief
Breaking Bad News
Breaking Bad news Guidelines

WHAT CAN BE DONE TO TACKLE THE D-WORD?

SECTION 8: A PRACTICAL GUIDE TO SUPPORT THE DYING
Introduction
Saying Goodbye
How to Listen Well
Life Reviews
The Dying Process
End-of-Life Experiences
Transpersonal End-of-Life Experiences
Final Meaning End-of-life Experiences
Dreams
How to Tell the Difference Between End-of-Life Experience or Drug-Induced Hallucination?
What Should I do if my relative or Friend has Dementia?
What Should I do if I can't be there at the end?
Being There at the End
The Use of Gentle Touch
Choosing the Moment to Go
What Happens Physically When Someone Dies?
When Death Happens
What You Can Expect to Feel Immediately After
Things Relatives Might Need to Think About
Stopping Life-Extending Treatment
Family Dynamics
Practicalities to Consider
At the Bedside
Suggestions for friends
What to Do
What Not to Do
Looking Back
What Helped
What Didn't Help
Summary

A FINAL FEW WORDS

SOME HELPFUL CONTACTS

Promotional Information

The D-Word offers practical guidance and support for anyone who feels awkward, embarrassed or afraid of talking about death and dying.

About the Author

Sue Brayne is an accredited psychotherapist, workshop leader and writer.

Reviews

'This accessible book describes the experiences of a wide range of individuals (both professionals and the general public) in relation to death and dying, and uses these experiences to helpfully inform and advise those who may be experiencing death and dying for the first time.'
*Dr Morag Farquhar, Institute of Public Health, University of Cambridge.*

'From the personal to the practical - debunking the myths and the medical jargon about death. The D-Word offers a new language and literacy for death and the dying process in a world disconnected from the meaning and life-giving aspects of the final stage of our journey on earth. This book is an indispensable tool for a clinician, client or family member. The personal stories are deeply moving and inspiring, and interspersed with clear, caring, practical guides on each stage of the death process. It belongs on the shelf of every doctor, nurse, therapist, counsellor and psychologist.'
*Annabel McGoldrick, psychotherapist (working as a family therapist at South Pacific Private Hospital, in private practice and lecturing at Sydney University).*

The D-Word is a very contemporary book addressing many issues of concern to both health professionals as well as the community. It encompasses not only practical approaches to working with and supporting dying people, but also the history of care for dying people, the language used and many experiences of people. I particularly appreciated chapter 4 where the voices of the various faith traditions are able to speak for themselves. And the chapter "having the conversation" is an important one for anyone concerned with care for a dying person.
*Professor Margaret O'Connor AM, President, Palliative Care Australia.Vivian Bullwinkel Chair in Palliative Care Nursing, Monash University, Australia.*

It is a rare gift that Sue Brayne delivers in her very practical yet compassionate work, The D-Word: Talking about Dying.  Her gift of open and honest dialogue about the many aspects of dying - from the medical to the spiritual to the everyday realities - is wrapped in a style that invites participation on a unique level.  Sue hand-picks universal emotions from the heavens and brings them gently down to earth.  The D-Word is heartfelt, true, and uncomplicated. I highly recommend this for everyone, since death is, as she puts it, "something which conclusively is going to happen to us all".
*Megory Anderson, author of Sacred Dying: Creating Rituals for Embracing the End of Life and Attending the Dying. Founder and Executive Director of Sacred Dying Foundation, USA.*

Dying involves us all. Whether you are a professional carer or interested member of the public this book will speak to you! Full of real-life stories and perspectives from those directly involved with the dying, Sue offers valuable insights and guidance. This much needed addition to the literature should be found in every hospice library, made available to patients and relatives and be required reading for all students of palliative care.
*Hilary Lovelace, Community Palliative Care Registered Nurse, Auckland, New Zealand; Research Assistant, Dr. Peter Fenwick's End of Life Experiences Study, UK.*

The D-Word: Talking about Dying constitutes a major contribution to our understanding of the realities of dying. It is an inspirational book and will touch the hearts of many but this is not a sentimental book, it will cause you to pause and think. It seeks to open up conversations about death and dying, within families, between patient and doctor, and in the wider society. In my view, this is to be welcomed as we all face death but often we do not talk though our fears and preferences until it is much too late. The book is easy to read and littered with richly evocative stories of dying. It is an excellent book and a valuable asset to all on the way to our common fate.
*Professor Sheila Payne, Director of the International Observatory on End of Life Care, Help the Hospices Chair in Hospice Studies and Co-Director of the Cancer Experiences Collaborative, Division of Health Research, Lancaster University, UK.*

The D-Word can be seen as a 21st-century update on the themes Elizabeth Ubler-Ross explored in her groundbreaking 1969 book On Death and Dying.  Brayne acknowledges spirituality as an inherent human need, which sets her apart from the other authors.
*The Australian*

Well written and practical, and made me wonder why no one had produced it before ... would be very useful to healthcare professionals, particularly nurses
*Cancer Nursing Practice*

[The D-Word] is well organised. It represents a balance of personal experience, wider theory, and persistent engagement with the reader. The text is well laid out and clearly printed.
*Church Times*

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