Welcome to the D-Word
Personal Stories
Structure
A personal Note
SECTION ONE: DENIAL OF THE D-WORD
Spiritual Values
An Entitlement to Life
The Effect On the Natural World
SECTION TWO: DAYS GONE BY
The Mediaeval Ars Moriendi
From Home to Hospital
The Media
SECTION 3: DYING FROM A MEDICAL PERSPECTIVE
The GP: The First Port of Call
The Intensive Care Anaesthetist: Difficult End-of-Life
Decisions
The Palliative Medicine Consultant: Clear Communication
The Palliative Care Clinical Nurse Specialist: Planning the Best
Place to Die
The Hospice Nurse: The Importance of Listening
The Nursing Home Carer: Importance of Acting Normally
SECTION 4: FAITH MAY HELP
The Bishop: The Easter Story
The Muslim Chaplain: Testament of Faith
The Rabbi: A Ritual Path
The Buddhist: the Importance of Community
The Hindu: Karma and Reincarnation
SECTION FIVE: HAVING THE CONVERSATION
Broaching the D-Word
When Relatives Are in Denial
When the Dying Person Doesn't Want to Know
When There's No Resolution
When Children Are Not Allowed to Talk
SECTION 6: SUDDEN OR VIOLENT DEATH
A Brother's Murder
A Car Crash
A Sudden Heart Attack
A Miscarriage
Coping with Suicide
SECTION 7: FINDING SUPPORT
Speaking Euphemistically
Not Everyone Experiences Grief
Breaking Bad News
Breaking Bad news Guidelines
WHAT CAN BE DONE TO TACKLE THE D-WORD?
SECTION 8: A PRACTICAL GUIDE TO SUPPORT THE DYING
Introduction
Saying Goodbye
How to Listen Well
Life Reviews
The Dying Process
End-of-Life Experiences
Transpersonal End-of-Life Experiences
Final Meaning End-of-life Experiences
Dreams
How to Tell the Difference Between End-of-Life Experience or
Drug-Induced Hallucination?
What Should I do if my relative or Friend has Dementia?
What Should I do if I can't be there at the end?
Being There at the End
The Use of Gentle Touch
Choosing the Moment to Go
What Happens Physically When Someone Dies?
When Death Happens
What You Can Expect to Feel Immediately After
Things Relatives Might Need to Think About
Stopping Life-Extending Treatment
Family Dynamics
Practicalities to Consider
At the Bedside
Suggestions for friends
What to Do
What Not to Do
Looking Back
What Helped
What Didn't Help
Summary
A FINAL FEW WORDS
SOME HELPFUL CONTACTS
The D-Word offers practical guidance and support for anyone who feels awkward, embarrassed or afraid of talking about death and dying.
Sue Brayne is an accredited psychotherapist, workshop leader and writer.
'This accessible book describes the experiences of a
wide range of individuals (both professionals and the general
public) in relation to death and dying, and uses these experiences
to helpfully inform and advise those who may be
experiencing death and dying for the first time.'
*Dr Morag Farquhar, Institute of Public Health, University of
Cambridge.*
'From the personal to the practical - debunking the myths and the
medical jargon about death. The D-Word offers a new language and
literacy for death and the dying process in a world disconnected
from the meaning and life-giving aspects of the final stage of our
journey on earth. This book is an indispensable tool for a
clinician, client or family member. The personal stories are deeply
moving and inspiring, and interspersed with clear, caring,
practical guides on each stage of the death process. It belongs on
the shelf of every doctor, nurse, therapist, counsellor and
psychologist.'
*Annabel McGoldrick, psychotherapist (working as a family therapist
at South Pacific Private Hospital, in private practice and
lecturing at Sydney University).*
The D-Word is a very contemporary book addressing many issues
of concern to both health professionals as well as the
community. It encompasses not only practical approaches to
working with and supporting dying people, but also the history of
care for dying people, the language used and many experiences of
people. I particularly appreciated chapter 4 where the voices
of the various faith traditions are able to speak for themselves.
And the chapter "having the conversation" is an important one for
anyone concerned with care for a dying person.
*Professor Margaret O'Connor AM, President, Palliative Care
Australia.Vivian Bullwinkel Chair in Palliative Care Nursing,
Monash University, Australia.*
It is a rare gift that Sue Brayne delivers in her very practical
yet compassionate work, The D-Word: Talking about Dying. Her
gift of open and honest dialogue about the many aspects of dying -
from the medical to the spiritual to the everyday realities - is
wrapped in a style that invites participation on a unique
level. Sue hand-picks universal emotions from the heavens and
brings them gently down to earth. The D-Word is heartfelt,
true, and uncomplicated. I highly recommend this for everyone,
since death is, as she puts it, "something which conclusively is
going to happen to us all".
*Megory Anderson, author of Sacred Dying: Creating Rituals for
Embracing the End of Life and Attending the Dying. Founder and
Executive Director of Sacred Dying Foundation, USA.*
Dying involves us all. Whether you are a professional carer or
interested member of the public this book will speak to
you! Full of real-life stories and perspectives from those
directly involved with the dying, Sue offers valuable insights and
guidance. This much needed addition to the literature should
be found in every hospice library, made available to patients and
relatives and be required reading for all students of palliative
care.
*Hilary Lovelace, Community Palliative Care Registered Nurse,
Auckland, New Zealand; Research Assistant, Dr. Peter Fenwick's End
of Life Experiences Study, UK.*
The D-Word: Talking about Dying constitutes a major contribution to
our understanding of the realities of dying. It is an inspirational
book and will touch the hearts of many but this is not a
sentimental book, it will cause you to pause and think. It seeks to
open up conversations about death and dying, within families,
between patient and doctor, and in the wider society. In my view,
this is to be welcomed as we all face death but often we do not
talk though our fears and preferences until it is much too late.
The book is easy to read and littered with richly evocative stories
of dying. It is an excellent book and a valuable asset to all on
the way to our common fate.
*Professor Sheila Payne, Director of the International Observatory
on End of Life Care, Help the Hospices Chair in Hospice Studies and
Co-Director of the Cancer Experiences Collaborative, Division of
Health Research, Lancaster University, UK.*
The D-Word can be seen as a 21st-century update on the themes
Elizabeth Ubler-Ross explored in her groundbreaking 1969 book On
Death and Dying. Brayne acknowledges spirituality as an
inherent human need, which sets her apart from the other
authors.
*The Australian*
Well written and practical, and made me wonder why no one had
produced it before ... would be very useful to healthcare
professionals, particularly nurses
*Cancer Nursing Practice*
[The D-Word] is well organised. It represents a balance of personal
experience, wider theory, and persistent engagement with the
reader. The text is well laid out and clearly printed.
*Church Times*
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