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God-Shaped Hole: A Novel
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Hi. I'm Beatrice Jordan, a.k.a. Trixie, the cynical but loveable main chick in the book God-Shaped Hole. I want to tell you a little about my friend and creator, Tiffanie DeBartolo. Tiffanie was born in Youngstown, Ohio, on November 27, 1970, just 22 minutes after Thanksgiving Day ended. I remember once when we were having dinner at AstroBurger in L.A., she told me that until she was eight, she thought all the food and festivities that took place on Turkey Day were all about giving thanks for her. I laughed so hard, chocolate milk shot out of my nose. Eventually, we ended up talking about her being a high-school dropout, which stunned me because I knew she'd tested out of all her college English requirements freshman year and gone on to earn a degree in philosophy from the University of California at Berkeley. With a shrewd little smile she explained it was a crazy, parochial school thing. By the end of her junior year at Villa Maria High School an all-estrogen high school that Tiffanie described as "The Facts Of Life in O-H-10," Tiffanie had fulfilled all of her required courses except for typing and gym but the school wouldn't let her graduate because they wanted to milk her parents for another year's tuition, so Tiffanie said "screw you," which is only slightly ironic to say to a bunch of nuns. Then she dropped out, aced the GED and went on to college. To this day, though, Tiffanie can only type with three fingers. You should see it, really, it's like watching a couple of woodpeckers. And for someone who pecks the keyboard like Woody, Tiffanie has had a fairly successful career on the word processor. Before she started writing novels, she penned three screenplays one of which she directed and saw released in theaters nationwide called Dream for an Insomniac which starred Ione Skye and Jennifer Aniston. Still, Tiffanie says she was never cut out to be a film maker. She claims she doesn't have any talent in that department. She doesn't see the world through the eyes of a camera lens. To her, it's all about the beauty of the words. However, the movie did mark a turning point in her life. It was a fictionalized, semi-autobiographical story about how she stalked the man of her dreams and won. No joke, she literally followed the guy around for years, conniving elaborate schemes to get his attention. She finally won him over with an email that listed for him the top ten reasons he had to go on a date with her. So, after barely surviving life in Hollywood, a place where she said she never fit in, it was time to move on to larger intellectual challenges-like writing a novel-an experience that left her feeling she had finally found what it is she was put on this earth to do. Which brings us to the part where she explored her own God-shaped hole by writing about mine. I recently saw Tiffanie at her house in Boulder, Colorado she splits her time between the Rocky Mountains and New York City it's kind of a yin and yang thing. Or perhaps it's more Green Acres, I don't know which. What I do know is that if Tiffanie's not typing for twelve hours a day, she's either obsessively running half a dozen miles, obsessively chasing her favorite rock bands around the country, obsessively playing her guitar or obsessively playing with her husband. I guess I could describe Tiffanie as a bit obsessive about things, but really, I'm not one to talk.

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