Doug Elfman writes about everything. He asked Britney Spears a sex question. He talked to Paul McCartney about his last moments with George Harrison. When Doug talked to Stevie Wonder, Stevie said "bless you" as a salutation, not that Doug sneezed or something. Prince, the genius musician and media recluse, asked Doug to interview him alone, backstage, in Prince's lavender-candle-smelling dressing room for more than hour, showing Doug his Princely songwriting journal. And then, it seemed to Doug that Prince tried to Jehovah's Witness Doug. So Doug feels pretty good about his soul, since Stevie Wonder blessed him and Prince witnessed him. Doug just wrote his first novel, "I Know What I Have and I'm Grateful," a first-person novel about a Southern/rural woman who is very fond of her dead dad and alcohol, love and wit, and sticking up for herself. And yet, Doug covers strip clubs and porn stars for the Las Vegas Review-Journal, but his main job at the newspaper is asking Britney about her sex life, etcetera. Doug is on hiatus from his nationally syndicated video game column, because his mom died and he was, like, "I need a break from killing fake people." Doug is also the guy who writes liberal entertainment stuff in the Review-Journal, because he thinks he knows better than everybody how to heal the world. All of this comes after his early career as an award-winning investigative and political reporter in the South, where he once went into a back room with Al Gore and showed Gore his Earth socks. Al Gore asked Doug where he got those socks. Doug said, "On my feet." So Doug has been around the block. This is why he has no hair left on top of his head.