CHRIS PREKSTA (director/cocreator) is a film and web series director whose credits include Pittsburgh Dad, the sci-fi series The Mercury Men, which premiered on the NBC Universal/Syfy digital network, and the award-winning online sitcom The Guild. Chris grew up in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
CURT WOOTTON (Pittsburgh Dad/cocreator), a film and stage actor, turned an impression of his actual father into a nationally known character with the introduction of Pittsburgh Dad. His credits also include the online series Captain Blasto and The Mercury Men. Curt grew up in Greensburg, Pennsylvania.
Chris and Curt are currently writing and developing Pittsburgh Dad as a feature film.
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First published by Plume, a member of Penguin Group (USA) LLC, 2015
Copyright ÃÂ© 2015 by Christopher Schnur-Preksta and Curt Wootton
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Photographs by Chris Preksta
REGISTERED TRADEMARKÃ¢ÂÂMARCA REGISTRADA
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS cataloguing-IN-PUBLICATION DATA
Pittsburgh dad : everything your dad has said to you / Chris Preksta, Curt Wootton.
Wootton, Curt. I Pittsburgh dad (Internet television programme) II Title.
Thank you to:
CurtÃ¢ÂÂs girlfriend, Kaitlin, for putting up with being called Ã¢ÂÂDeb.Ã¢ÂÂ
ChrisÃ¢ÂÂs wife, Ashley, for her endless support of a nerdy husband. Jane and Catherine, for making Chris an actual Pittsburgh Dad.
Linda and Dave Urbaniak, for allowing their actual home to become a TV studio once a week.
Randy Baumann, Bill Crawford, and Sally Wiggin, for graciously helping our audience to grow larger than just our families.
Nicholas Yon and TurnerÃ¢ÂÂs Dairy for their consistent partnership.
Coach Mike Tomlin and the Pittsburgh Steelers for allowing us to be a part of the family.
Editor Becky Cole for guiding two first-time authors.
George Ruiz and David Sedelmeier for working to make sure we can both create AND pay our bills.
All the fans, for watching and sharing their own memories with us over the years. Without them, youÃ¢ÂÂd be holding a blank book.
The city of Pittsburgh, for being the best city on the planet.
Ã¢ÂÂOH MY GOSH, ITÃ¢ÂÂS MY FATHER!Ã¢ÂÂ
In October 2011, just to kill some time one afternoon, we decided to film Curt doing an impression of his often-cranky father, complete with his thick Pittsburgh accent (down is pronounced Ã¢ÂÂdahn,Ã¢ÂÂ house = Ã¢ÂÂhahs,Ã¢ÂÂ for those of yinz whoÃ¢ÂÂve never heard it). We grabbed some old glasses from a thrift store and quickly shot a forty-second video on ChrisÃ¢ÂÂs iPhone:
Ã¢ÂÂDid yinz warsh your feet off in that little bucket by the pool ladder before yinz got in that pool. I donÃ¢ÂÂt want grass clippings clogging up my filter. And no I ainÃ¢ÂÂ Just go get some freeze pops in the cellar.Ã¢ÂÂ
We added an All in the FamilyÃ¢ÂÂstyle sitcom intro and fake studio laughter to make it appear as if CurtÃ¢ÂÂs father was a TV dad from the Ã¢ÂÂ70s or Ã¢ÂÂ80s. We were just doing it to make our own parents laugh. When we uploaded the video Ã¢ÂÂMeet Pittsburgh DadÃ¢ÂÂ onto YouTube to share with our families, we expected a total of 50 views. That first day, we had 1,000. Within just a few months, we had more than 1 million views. National news outlets began sharing the episode, and we were flooded with hundreds of messages and comments from around the country all saying similar things: Ã¢ÂÂMy dad is EXACTLY like this!Ã¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂItÃ¢ÂÂs scary how accurate this is.Ã¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂItÃ¢ÂÂs as if you secretly recorded my family growing up!Ã¢ÂÂ
It seemed like everybodyÃ¢ÂÂs parents said the same things to them when they were growing up. Was there some class that taught all dads to yell about not pressing your face against the screen door. Do you automatically start guarding the thermostat the moment you become a parent. At what age do we suddenly start regulating how much milk is poured into a cereal bowl.
Over the past three years, that single video has led to more than 100 additional episodes capturing the nostalgia, funny phrases, and frustrations of growing up in a blue-collar, middle-class homeÃ¢ÂÂcoming home when the street lights go on, catching lightning bugs, and not being allowed to play in the Ã¢ÂÂgoodÃ¢ÂÂ living room.
What youÃ¢ÂÂre holding is a collection of our favourite jokes and stories written for the show, collected from our personal experiences and memories of growing up. But youÃ¢ÂÂll swear it was your own dad speaking.
And if you picked up this book wondering what the hell it is, or why you should care about some dad from Pittsburgh, you can see the show for yourself at www.youtube.com/pittsburghdad. Millions of views later, we still film on ChrisÃ¢ÂÂs iPhone.
We hope yinz enjoy it!
EATING FAMILY DINNER
The food tastes the same in all the chairs. Warsh your hands and sit the hell down!
Can you have a Happy Meal.! You should just be happy youÃ¢ÂÂre even getting this meal.
Can we eat dinner at IKEA tonight.! Why donÃ¢ÂÂt we grab hors dÃ¢ÂÂoeuvres down at Roomful Express while weÃ¢ÂÂre at it.
WhatÃ¢ÂÂs city chicken.! ItÃ¢ÂÂs pork. If you donÃ¢ÂÂt like it, just close your eyes and pretend itÃ¢ÂÂs chicken nuggets.
ItÃ¢ÂÂs clean, for crying out loud. You wonÃ¢ÂÂt eat fruit until we soak it in Purell and run it through the dishwasher.
Take that wrapped ArbyÃ¢ÂÂs sandwich outta the microwave before you blow up my house!
Hey, whatÃ¢ÂÂs the number-one rule in the house. Ã¢ÂÂAlways use a Chip Clip.Ã¢ÂÂ
Quit eating all the Little Debbie snacks! Those are for your lunches.
No, I donÃ¢ÂÂt want no craft beer. I donÃ¢ÂÂt even like their mac and cheese.
You have to eat it Ã¢ÂÂcause thereÃ¢ÂÂs kids starving in China. Send it to them, then.! HowÃ¢ÂÂs about we just send you, instead.
YouÃ¢ÂÂre a vegetarian. Since when did Cinnamon Toast Crunch become a vegetable.
No, this ainÃ¢ÂÂt like eating in a prison. They complain less there.
Quit feeding the animals under the table.
Hey, Mum, stop throwing all that leftover bread to them filthy birds. ItÃ¢ÂÂs starting to look like a damn Hitchcock movie out there.
Can we make you something else.! Sorry you ainÃ¢ÂÂt happy with tonightÃ¢ÂÂs selection at MomÃ¢ÂÂs Diner. LetÃ¢ÂÂs see what else we have on the menu. Oh look, a hot plate of nothing with a delicious side of grounded.
Whaddya mean Dr. Oz says we should use sea salt instead. Since when are we taking health advice from a wizard. Is Dr. Oz gonna pay our grocery bill.
Them rumours about Mountain Dew ainÃ¢ÂÂt true!
I found this Sopranos DVD box set in the five-dollar bin, so all IÃ¢ÂÂm paying is five dollars.
Wait in line for hours to see the Ã¢ÂÂCake BossÃ¢ÂÂ.! Yeah, Deb, IÃ¢ÂÂd love to explain that to my real boss.
Nah, Mum will have to take yinz shopping down that HollisterÃ¢ÂÂs. You need a lantern and a map to shop at that place.
Yeah, Mum Ã¢ÂÂboughtÃ¢ÂÂ yinz book covers. TheyÃ¢ÂÂre in the kitchen and say Giant Eagle on them.
You have a dime. Quit asking the penny-candy lady about your Swedish Fish and Flying Saucer Ã¢ÂÂoptionsÃ¢ÂÂ like youÃ¢ÂÂre buying a new SUV.
WhereÃ¢ÂÂs Gramme. Over there talking to the self-checkout machine.
No, we ainÃ¢ÂÂt buying yinz Lunchables. ThereÃ¢ÂÂs bread and chipped ham in the fridge. I donÃ¢ÂÂt care if only the ends are left, them are just as good. And quit eating all the Pepperidge Farm cookies. Those are adult cookies.
GIVING RIDES TO THE MOVIES
No, I ainÃ¢ÂÂt ridinÃ¢ÂÂ yinz to the movies. ItÃ¢ÂÂs raining, itÃ¢ÂÂs slippy out there. We are in for the night. And donÃ¢ÂÂt bother asking Mum, Ã¢ÂÂcause she has night blindness. SheÃ¢ÂÂll end up over an embankment Ã¢ÂÂcause yinz had to see Gravity. SheÃ¢ÂÂs gonna feel gravity when that car rolls down a hill.