Table of Contents

Preface for Trainers and Educators viii
Chapter 1: So You Want To Help People? 1
Motives and hidden agendas 2
Official and unofficial theories of helping 5
Counselling: the instrumental view 7
Counselling: `being with', not `doing to' 8
Training: a chance to find out what counselling is actually like 9
Youth and maturity: advantages and disadvantages 11
What lies ahead for you? 13
Chapter Summary 16
Chapter 2: Being There: Developing The Capacity For Holding 17
Holding: the `default setting' 18
Why holding matters 19
The metaphor of holding 21
`Staying out of the way'-purposeful use of silence 22
Why is it important to `wait before responding'? 23
Personalities make a difference 24
The metaphor of `reflection' 25
Key points about the skill of reflecting 29
The reflecting exercise 32
Simple empathic responses 34
Empathic sentence completion 36
Summarising 36
The place of holding skills in ongoing counselling 37
Chapter Summary 38
Chapter 3: The Story Unfolds: The Skills Of Exploring 39
The metaphor of exploration 40
Therapeutic questioning and diagnostic questioning 41
Thoughtful questioning 43
Questions that follow the client's lead 43
Speaking from the self 46
Exploring `gaps' and `missing bits' 46
What's Really Happening? What, When and How Questions 49
Timing and choice points 53
What's it like ...? Questions that explore experience 54
Exploring connections between past and present 55
`What does that mean to you?' 57
Why not ask `Why?' 59
From exploration to intervention 61
Chapter Summary 63
Chapter 4: The Elephant In The Room: The First Three Sessions 64
Introduction 65
The first session: telling the story 67
What if you can't get a word in? 69
What if clients don't want to tell their story? 70
The first session: forming an attachment 70
Three ways of attaching 72
Anxiety and politeness in the first session 74
The second session 75
Attachment is a two-way thing 76
The iceberg and its tip 76
The third session: challenge and response 78
How do you learn to `do immediacy'? 82
The third session phenomenon revisited 85
Chapter Summary 87
Chapter 5: Fix The Problem, Or Re-Parent The Person? Alternative Paths In Therapy And Counselling 89
Counselling vs. Psychotheraphy 90
Where we started: psychoanalysis 91
Problem focussed models 98
Is the right model for you the right model for your client? 103
So what are the implications for you? 104
Chapter Summary 106
Chapter 6: Gentle Honesty: Skills Of `Encountering' 107
`Terrible Twos' and Rebellious Teens 108
Redefining `confrontation': gentle honesty 111
Gentle honesty in practice 112
Pointing out a `theme' 117
Connecting past and present: suggesting a meaning 119
Acknowledging contradictions and discrepancies 121
Beyond transference interpretation: offering feedback in the here and now 123
When the challenge comes from the client 126
In conclusion 128
Chapter Summary 129
Chapter 7: `Giving Wise Advice': The Skills Of Coaching 130
Meeting as equals 131
`Giving wise advice' 132
Normalising and providing information 133
Are clients ready to change? 134
Assisting the change process 136
Timing and motivation 138
Exploring past attempts to change 140
Why change is difficult 142
Taking the long way: change coaching in action 143
Bearing witness to change: increasing motivation by operant conditioning 150
Highlighting success by offering warnings 152
Chapter Summary 153
Chapter 8: `But How Do You Know When They're Finished?': Supervised Work With Clients 154
What will the next year be like? 155
There's always more to learn 157
Where do you stand? 159
Individual clients, relationship issues 160
What if my client doesn't come back? 162
Is it wrong for clients to depend on you? 163
Fees and gifts 165
What if one of my clients commits suicide? 166
What supervision can do, and what it can't 168
You can't take your client where you haven't been yourself 169
When following the client isn't enough 170
How do I know when they're finished? 171
How can I be there for clients if I'm falling apart? 173
What being a counsellor or therapist will mean 174
Chapter 9: Further Along The Road Less Travelled: What Counselling And Therapy Can Accomplish 176
Cycles, not stages 177
Trust-short term and long-term 177
Goals-in the short term and in the longer term 180
Awareness and honest expression of feelings 183
Becoming an observer of oneself 184
Pivotal moments 185
The person of the therapist 186
Endnotes 188
Must-Read Books 192
Index

About the Author

Hugh Crago holds degrees in English language and literature, social sciences, and counselling psychology from universities in Australia, England and the USA. He is the author or co-author of eight books and some 120 articles, and retired as Senior Lecturer in Counselling, Western Sydney University in 2012. He has practised as a counsellor and therapist for nearly forty years, and with his wife Maureen was co-editor of the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy from 1997 to 2009. Hugh continues to work as an individual and couple counsellor and group therapist in Blackheath, near Sydney.

Penny Gardner has lectured in Counselling and developed and taught in the Psychotherapy program at Western Sydney University since 2004. She has a wealth of clinical experience in a range of settings, using the model in this book with all age groups and client presentations.

Reviews

This unique text is a welcome contrast to formulaic texts on counselling and therapy. It enables new counsellors and therapists to deepen their abilities to "be with" clients and develop a range of interventions and skills. - Professor Ione Lewis in Psychotherapy in Australia; A Safe Place for Change is not obsessed with content and instructions, it is not limited to just one approach, but instead provides a holistic and integrated foundation on which to build further knowledge of both skills and theory. Highly recommended! - Paul Bogacs, Lecturer and Counselling Strand Convenor, Avondale College of Higher Education; It is such a unique text in the way it clearly explains issues for the beginning therapist, and what this strange beast called "process" looks like. - Kim Kownacki, Morling College