Introduction. Part I: Facing the Reality of Sex Addiction. Does Sex Addiction Really Exist? Understanding Sex Addiction. Why Sex Addiction Hurts Partner’s So Much. Part II – Caring for Partners’ Needs. Surviving the Trauma of Discovery. Understanding the Cycle of Reaction. Repairing Self Identity & Self Esteem. Facing the Future. Identifying, Avoiding and Overcoming Co-dependency. Part III – The Couple Relationship – Make or Break? Can the Relationship Survive? How Sex Addiction Impacts Couple Relationships. Rebuilding Trust. Reclaiming Sex & Sexuality. Conclusion. References. Recommended Reading & Resources
Paula Hall, PhD, is one of the UK’s leading sex addiction specialists and author of Understanding and Treating Sex Addiction. She created the Europe-wide Hall Recovery Course for people with sex addiction and the Hall Recovery Course for Partners. She is also a renowned speaker and trainer, and founder of the Institute for Sex Addiction Training.
"Hall is excellent at writing in a clear and understandable manner
and to describe the issue at hand so that is becomes easy to
understand and interesting to read about. The book therefore is
easy to read, understand and follow and Hall has a great way of
explaining complex behaviors or brain patterns in a manageable way.
I appreciate that Hall has included real life stories that explain
how people feel about sex addiction, their reaction to it and also
the feelings and reactions of those who have an addiction to sex. I
also appreciate how Hall places such emphasis on actually
describing how and why partners of sex addicts feel the way they
feel and I will not be surprised if readers of this book have many
"aha-moments". I believe that this book would be of excellent use
to any one interested in sex addiction and it would also be of
great use in classes dealing with sexuality." - Elin Weiss,
metapsychology.mentalhelp.net"Paula Hall presents a much-needed and
useful handbook for the partners and loved ones of someone who
faces what is colloquially known as sex addiction... Sex Addiction
is a practical tool for partners and would prove especially useful
in the immediate traumatic aftermath of full disclosure... Hall
does an expecially effective job ina ccounting for the feelings of
children in these strained relationships." - Michelle Iwen, Arizona
State University, PsycCritiques"I am grateful for the breadth and
wealth of information found in Paula Hall’s The Partner’s
Perspective! In an era when the term sex addiction is still
confusing and misunderstood, loved ones of these "addicts" have
been left wanting for understanding, support, and appropriate help.
Partners of sex addicts have been isolated, misunderstood, and
often without knowledgeable help or resources. Paula’s new book is
an excellent addition to available resources that address the
trauma experienced by many partners in response to discovery of
secret sexual behaviors in their loved ones. I believe this book
will provide information, encouragement and hope to partners and
relationships shattered by sex addiction, and become a valuable
tool in partner recovery and healing!" - Barbara Steffens PhD
Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, Certified Clinical
Partner Specialist, Certified Partner Coach, Board Certified Coach,
President, Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialist
(APSATS), Co-author, Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners
Can Cope and Heal (Steffens & Means, 2009)"With Sex Addiction – the
Partner’s Perspective, Paula Hall has effectively shined a light on
an otherwise much underserved clinical population: those spouses
and partners traumatized and otherwise negatively hurt due to the
ongoing sexual and/or emotional betrayal of a cheating spouse.
Throughout the book, Paula recognizes and elucidates how the
emotional reactivity expressed by cheated-on partners at the height
of their relationship-grief, is not necessarily indicative of
"codependency" or any other particular emotional disorder; but is
in fact a natural and perfectly healthy response to the pain and
distress of being habitually lied to, manipulated and ultimately
betrayed. Ms. Hall also acknowledges that the aftermath of endless
cheating, affairs and even sexual addiction do not necessarily lead
to the end of a relationship, as many couples grow beyond such
damage to rebuild trust, and establish newfound intimacies. She
makes clear that with useful professional guidance and hard work on
the part of both partners, many such couples can regain trust and
establish newly evolved intimacies and attachments." - Robert Weiss
LCSW, CSAT-S, US Therapist, Educator, Author of Always Turned On :
Understanding Sexual Addiction in the Digital Age "Following the
first UK Survey of partners of sex addicts, Paula Hall highlights
the extent of the distress and dilemmas of this considerable
population. Challenging previous notions of theory about why
partners choose or stay with addicts, she weaves an original and
common sense path. Whilst acknowledging the value of some earlier
thinking, she focuses on the trauma experienced by those whose
world is not as they thought it was.This is a long awaited work for
the UK. We now have an approach which reflects the diverse needs of
those who find themselves with these challenges, offering shame
reduction, hope and understanding. Where Paula Hall excels is in
her breadth of therapy and counselling experience, as well as being
a sex addiction specialist. The clear and accessible style, with
many practical strategies for coping and moving forward,will be
helpful for therapists and clients alike." - Joy Rosendale MA Cert
Ed, COSRT, CSAT 1 & 2Partners' Programme Clinical Lead, Marylebone
Centre London W1
I am grateful for the breadth and wealth of information found in
Paula Hall’s The Partner’s Perspective! In an era when the term sex
addiction is still confusing and misunderstood, loved ones of these
"addicts" have been left wanting for understanding, support, and
appropriate help. Partners of sex addicts have been isolated,
misunderstood, and often without knowledgeable help or resources.
Paula’s new book is an excellent addition to available resources
that address the trauma experienced by many partners in response to
discovery of secret sexual behaviors in their loved ones. I believe
this book will provide information, encouragement and hope to
partners and relationships shattered by sex addiction, and become a
valuable tool in partner recovery and healing! - Barbara Steffens
PhD Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, Certified Clinical
Partner Specialist, Certified Partner Coach, Board Certified Coach,
President, Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialist
(APSATS), Co-author, Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners
Can Cope and Heal (Steffens & Means, 2009)With "Sex Addiction – the
Partner’s Perspective," Paula Hall has effectively shined a light
on an otherwise much underserved clinical population: those spouses
and partners traumatized and otherwise negatively hurt due to the
ongoing sexual and/or emotional betrayal of a cheating spouse.
Throughout the book, Paula recognizes and elucidates how the
emotional reactivity expressed by cheated-on partners at the height
of their relationship-grief, is not necessarily indicative of
"codependency" or any other particular emotional disorder; but is
in fact a natural and perfectly healthy response to the pain and
distress of being habitually lied to, manipulated and ultimately
betrayed. Ms. Hall also acknowledges that the aftermath of endless
cheating, affairs and even sexual addiction do not necessarily lead
to the end of a relationship, as many couples grow beyond such
damage to rebuild trust, and establish newfound intimacies. She
makes clear that with useful professional guidance and hard work on
the part of both partners, many such couples can regain trust and
establish newly evolved intimacies and attachments. - Robert Weiss
LCSW, CSAT-S, US Therapist, Educator, Author of "Always Turned On"
: Understanding Sexual Addiction in the Digital Age Following the
first UK Survey of partners of sex addicts, Paula Hall highlights
the extent of the distress and dilemmas of this considerable
population. Challenging previous notions of theory about why
partners choose or stay with addicts, she weaves an original and
common sense path. Whilst acknowledging the value of some earlier
thinking, she focuses on the trauma experienced by those whose
world is not as they thought it was.This is a long awaited work for
the UK. We now have an approach which reflects the diverse needs of
those who find themselves with these challenges, offering shame
reduction, hope and understanding. Where Paula Hall excels is in
her breadth of therapy and counselling experience, as well as being
a sex addiction specialist. The clear and accessible style, with
many practical strategies for coping and moving forward,will be
helpful for therapists and clients alike.- Joy Rosendale MA Cert
Ed, COSRT, CSAT 1 & 2Partners' Programme Clinical Lead, Marylebone
Centre London W1
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