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So, What's Your Proposal?

Shifting High-Conflict People from Blaming to Problem-Solving in 30 Seconds!

By Bill Eddy

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Format: Paperback, 150 pages
Published In: United States, 01 September 2014
Complain! Complain! Complain! Have you ever dealt with high-conflict people who blame you or others for one problem after another without taking any responsibility themselves? Don't you feel like wringing their necks? Instead, consider the simple method taught in this book for getting them out of the past and away from blaming everyone else. Get them to quickly focus on the future, take responsibility and contribute to finding solutions to problems -- including those they created themselves or any problem. When people complain and blame you, you don't need to defend yourself or get angry back. Just calmly say: "So, what's your proposal?" and focus on teaching the simple 3-step method explained in this book. This method will help you stay calm and confident, while earning the respect of those around you -- even those who want to blame you! And blame is abundant these days! Every day dozens, if not hundreds, of people confront us at work, at the store, in our communities and online. Nerves get on edge. More and more people get stuck blaming others for anything that goes wrong. With high-conflict people increasing in society, with the 24-hour news cycle, and with Twitter, Facebook and the Internet, we hear constantly about the worst behavior of other people and dozens of terrible problems. The strong temptation is to react and blame others back. However, this just feeds the problem. This book shifts the conversation from the past and blame, to the future and problem-solving. The book teaches a simple method which can be used by almost anyone. It will help the reader stay calm and confident, while also keeping the focus on solving problems, rather than blaming people. But it takes practice, which is why this book gives so many examples. The reader will earn the respect of those around him or her. We have seen it happen over and over again -- many times in just 30 seconds. Another helpful tool to communicate effectively with high-conflict people is BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Hostile Email, Personal Attacks and Social Media Meltdowns, also by Bill Eddy.


Table of Contents

IntroductionChapter 1: Will Emma and Jake Ever Agree?Chapter 2: The (Brain) Power of This QuestionChapter 3: Making Proposals in Three Simple StepsChapter 4: Dealing with ResistanceChapter 5: Brainstorming at Work Chapter 6: Choices in EducationChapter 7: Consequences in FamiliesChapter 8: Realistic Options in CommunitiesChapter 9: Volunteer and Nonprofit Organizations Chapter 10: Participating in PoliticsConclusionReferences

Promotional Information

Author, Bill Eddy, has many (up to 50) speaking engagement/year, in which he promotes/sells books back-of-room at each event. Some are international or national conferences and others are organizations who invite him to speak at all or half-day trainings or as keynote or workshop speaker at conferences. We are releasing 5 Bill Eddy titles for Fall 2014, with each book expected to cross-promote. All 5 titles focus on conflict in the workplace instead of Bill's previous titles that focused on family law/divorce.Bill does radio and print interviews upon request.He teaches a course at Pepperdine University once/year.$1000 marketing/publicity budgetNational radio interviewsAdvertising in National and international publications: Society for Human Resource Management; National Human Resources Association; Professionals in Human Resources Association; American Management Association; American Association of Healthcare Administrative Management; Small Business Association; others.Promotion targeting business publicationsPublished to coincide with: BIFF(2e); It's All Your Fault at Work!; New Ways for Work: Workbook; New Ways for Work: Coaching Manual.Promotion on authors websites:, (not "live" yet) and on publisher websites:, media campaigns on authors outlets and publisher's outlets, i.e. Facebook, Twitter, blog, Pinterest.Two years ago, over 1100 sites linked to Bill's blog and/or website. I'm not sure what those numbers are now, but they're likely the same or increased.- Publicity and promotion in conjunction with author's speaking engagements (see listing below):January1/16 -- Handling High Conflict Personalities with the CARS Method Radio Interview of Bill Eddy by Doug Noll(book tie-in: It's All Your Fault!; BIFF),Contact: at 7:00pm Pacific Time Zone February2/12 -- New Ways for Families: National Judicial Institute - Family Law Seminar, Quebec City, Quebec, Canada(no book tie-in)2/20 -- 7 Tips for Managing High Conflict People, North County Bar Association, Vista, CA(book tie-in: BIFF; High Conflict People in Legal Disputes; It's All Your Fault!; New Ways for Families entire series).Contact: www.NorthCountyBar.org2/25 -- Law and Ethics Update, Kaiser Permanente Psychosocial Clinicians, San Diego, CA(book tie-in: It's All Your Fault!; BIFF; It's All Your Fault at Work!; New Ways for Work Coaching Manual; New Ways for Work Workbook).Contact: 2/27 - 28 (PST) New Ways for Families "Day Two" Training, Family Law Pathways Network, Alice Springs, NT, Australia - by Skype(book tie-in: New Ways for Families Professional Guidebook; New Ways for Families Parent Workbook; BIFF).Contact: michelle@newways4families.comMarch3/1 -- Managing High Conflict People. Law School for Social Workers Annual CEU Event, Portland, OR(book tie-in: High Conflict People in Legal Disputes; BIFF; New Ways for Families entire series)Contact: www.naylaw.com3/14 -- Transformation of High Conflict Disputes Through Mediation, 2014 Orange County Mediation Conference, University of California, Irvine, CA (book tie-in: High Conflict People in Legal Disputes; BIFF; New Ways for Families Pre-Mediation Workbook; New Ways for Families Pre-Mediation Coaching Manual).Contact: 3/28 -- Managing High Conflict Personalities - in Separation and Divorce, Louisiana Chapter - Association of Family and Conciliation Courts, New Orleans, LA (book tie-in: High Conflict People in Legal Disputes; BIFF; New Ways for Families entire listing).Contact:

About the Author

Bill Eddy is the author of several books about dealing with high-conflict people - the most difficult "difficult" people. Bill is a lawyer, therapist, mediator and the President of the High Conflict Institute. He developed the "High Conflict Personality" theory and has become an expert on managing legal, workplace and other disputes involving high-conflict personalities and personality disorders. His books include: It's All Your Fault at Work! Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People So What's Your Proposal? Shifting High-Conflict People from Blaming to Problem-Solving in 30 Seconds High Conflict People in Legal Disputes It's All YOUR Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns SPLITTING: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder He is also the developer of the "New Ways for Work" method of managing potentially high conflict employees in the workplace; and the "New Ways for Families" method of managing potentially high-conflict parents in and out of family court. A graduate of Case Western Reserve University, San Diego State University, and the University of San Diego School of Law, he lives in San Diego, CA with his wife.


"In his newest must read book, Master Attorney/Mediator/ Therapist, Bill Eddy shows you how to stop the blame game and consciously shift conflict quickly into creative solutions. This book is crucial for anyone who has to deal with difficult people at home or in business!" --Mari J. Frank, Esq. CIPP, attorney/mediator, and author of Negotiation Breakthroughs; co-author of The Gift in Conflict for Couples. "Not only does Bill's book show "how to" redirect judgmental dialogue to problem-solving focus, he, also explains why this simple 3-step process works. All the reader has to do is practice, practice, practice. What a wonderful resource in dealing with persons unable to focus on solving the problem. " --Sheldon (Shelly) E. Finman, Family Law Attorney & Mediator, Ft. Myers, Florida "This is nothing short of brilliant. I spend a lot of time negotiating settlements in contentious divorce cases. This process is revolutionary in helping people moving through difficult negotiations. I wish I had this years ago." --Molly B. Kenny, Attorney, Seattle, Washington "So, What's Your Proposal? is a question literally designed to short-circuit the brain in stressful situations. Using the techniques described by attorney Bill Eddy in this work, you can immediately stop the negativity and gently shift participants from all-or-nothing into flexible thinking. This practice is useful not just for those of us who deal with high conflict people, but in any situation where the parties are stuck in negotiations and need to generate creative options. --Michele Huff, J.D., lawyer/meditator and author of The Transformative Negotiator: Changing the Way We Come to Agreement from the Inside Out.

EAN: 9781936268627
ISBN: 1936268620
Publisher: Unhooked Books
Dimensions: 21.34 x 13.72 x 1.02 centimetres (0.02 kg)
Age Range: 15+ years
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