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Neuro-linguistic Programming for Dummies 3E


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Table of Contents

Introduction 1

About This Book 2

Conventions Used in This Book 3

What You’re Not to Read 3

Foolish Assumptions 3

Icons Used in This Book 4

Beyond the Book 5

Where to Go From Here 5

Part I: Getting Started with NLP 7

Chapter 1: Getting to Know NLP 9

Introducing NLP 9

Providing a few quick definitions 11

Considering where NLP started and where it’s going 11

Offering a note on integrity 12

Encountering the Pillars of NLP: Straight Up and Straightforward 13

Discovering Models and Modelling 15

Employing the NLP communication model 15

Modelling excellence 16

Using NLP to Greater Effect 16

Understanding that attitude comes first 17

Being curious and confused are good for you 17

Changing is up to you 17

Having fun on the way! 18

Chapter 2: Identifying Some Basic NLP Assumptions 19

Introducing NLP Presuppositions 20

The map is not the territory 20

People respond according to their map of the world 22

There is no failure, only feedback 23

The meaning of communication is the response it elicits 25

If what you’re doing isn’t working, do something different 26

You cannot not communicate 28

Individuals have all the resources they need to achieve their desired outcomes 29

Every behaviour has a positive intent 29

People are much more than their behaviour 31

The mind and body are interlinked and affect each other 32

Having choice is better than not having choice 34

Modelling successful performance leads to excellence 35

Final Words on Presuppositions: Suck Them and See 35

Chapter 3: Discovering Who’s Directing Your Life 37

Grasping How Your Fears Can Drive You in the Wrong Direction 38

Distinguishing between conscious and unconscious 39

Understanding your quirky unconscious mind 39

Delving Inside the Brain 42

Looking at the three key parts 42

Recognising neuroplasticity as the basis for development 43

Tracking Information: Your Reticular Activating System 44

Examining How Memories Are Created 46

Encountering post‐traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) 47

Handling phobias 48

Employing the NLP Fast Phobia Cure 49

Accepting That Beliefs and Values Make a Difference 50

Getting to grips with the power of beliefs 50

Working with your values 52

Daydreaming Your Future Reality 58

Chapter 4: Taking Charge of Your Life 59

Taking Control of Your Memory 59

Seeing It Because You Believe It 61

Focusing on blaming others 62

Getting stuck in a problem frame 63

Shifting into the outcome frame 64

Following the Path to Excellence 64

Knowing what you want 65

Becoming smarter than SMART: Creating well‐formed outcomes 66

Using the Four‐Point Formula for Success 72

Spinning the Wheel of Life 73

Keeping a Dream Diary of Your Goals 74

Just Go for It 76

Part II: Winning Friends and Influencing People 77

Chapter 5: Seeing, Hearing and Feeling Your Way to Better Communication 79

Getting to Grips with the Senses 80

Filtering reality 81

Hearing how people are thinking 83

Listening to the World of Words 86

Glimpsing into the world of synaesthesia 86

Building rapport through words 87

Bringing on the translators 90

Acknowledging the Importance of the Eyes 91

Making the VAK System Work for You 95

Chapter 6: Creating Rapport 97

Knowing Why Rapport is Important 98

Recognising rapport when you see it 99

Identifying people with whom you want to build rapport 99

Introducing Basic Techniques for Building Rapport 102

Sharpening your rapport following eight quick tips 102

Viewing the communication wheel and developing rapport 103

Matching and mirroring 105

Pacing to lead other people successfully 107

Building rapport in virtual communication 108

Knowing How to Break Rapport and Why You May Want To 110

Discovering how to break rapport sensitively 110

Grasping the power of the word ‘but’ 112

Understanding Other Points of View 113

Exploring perceptual positions 114

Looking into the NLP meta‐mirror 114

Chapter 7: Understanding to Be Understood: Meta Programs 119

Getting to Grips With Meta‐Program Basics 120

Looking at meta programs and language patterns 121

Exploring meta programs and behaviour 121

Being Proactive/Reactive 123

Moving Towards/Away From 124

Discovering Options/Procedures 128

Delving Into the Internal/External 129

Going Global/Detailed 130

Recognising Sameness, Sameness with Difference and Difference 133

Tackling Time Perspectives 136

Combining Meta Programs 138

Developing Your Meta‐Program Skills 139

Chapter 8: Pushing the Communication Buttons 141

Understanding the Process of Communication 142

Scenario 1 143

Scenario 2 144

Introducing the NLP Communication Model 144

Processing pieces of information 145

Getting to grips with individual responses 148

Giving Effective Communication a Try 155

Part III: Opening the Toolkit 157

Chapter 9: Dropping Anchors 159

Starting Out With NLP Anchors 160

Setting an anchor and building yourself a resourceful state 161

Eliciting and calibrating states 162

Developing your own repertoire of anchors 164

Recognising your own anchors 165

Going Through the Emotions: Sequencing States 166

Altering states with anchors 167

Getting with the baroque beat 168

Walking in someone else’s shoes 169

Becoming Sophisticated with Anchors 170

Changing negative anchors 170

Deploying stage anchors 172

A Final Point About Anchors 174

Chapter 10: Sliding the Controls of Your Experience 175

Recording Your Experiences with Your Submodalities 176

Grasping the Basic Info: What You Need to Know Before You Begin 177

Associating or dissociating 177

Defining the details of your memories 178

Getting a little practice 182

Understanding Your Critical Submodalities 183

Making Real‐Life Changes 184

Removing the pain from an experience 185

Changing a limiting belief 185

Creating an empowering belief 186

Getting rid of that backache 187

Using the swish 188

Submodalities Worksheet 189

Chapter 11: Working with the Logical Levels 191

Understanding Logical Levels 191

Asking the right questions 193

Taking logical levels step‐by‐step 194

Employing practical uses for logical levels 195

Finding the Right Lever for Change 196

Environment 197

Behaviour 198

Capabilities and skills 199

Beliefs and values 200

Identity 203

Purpose 204

Figuring Out Other People’s Levels: Language and Logical Levels 205

Teambuilding at Work and Play: A Logical Levels Exercise 205

Chapter 12: Driving Habits: Uncovering Your Secret Programs 207

Witnessing the Evolution of Strategies 208

The S–R model 208

The TOTE model 208

The NLP strategy = TOTE + modalities 209

The NLP strategy model in action 210

The Eyes Have It: Recognising Another’s Strategy 211

Flexing Your Strategy Muscles 213

Linking strategies and the logical levels model 214

Acquiring new capabilities 214

Recoding your programs 216

Grasping the importance of the ‘how’ 216

Using NLP Strategies for Love and Success 218

Loving the deep love strategy 218

Influencing people with strategies 220

Spelling out the NLP spelling strategy 221

Chapter 13: Travelling in Time to Improve Your Life 225

Understanding How Your Memories Are Organised 227

Discovering Your Time Line 228

Changing Your Time Line 229

Travelling Along Your Time Line to a Happier You 232

Releasing negative emotions and limiting decisions 233

Finding forgiveness 236

Comforting the younger you 236

Getting rid of anxiety 236

Creating a better future 238

Chapter 14: Ensuring Smooth Running Below Decks 241

Getting to Grips with a Hierarchy of Conflict 242

Drifting from Wholeness to Parts 244

Understanding a part’s intentions 244

Getting to the heart of the problem 245

Help! I’m in Conflict with Myself 246

Listening to your unconscious mind 246

Taking sides 246

Becoming Whole: Integrating Your Parts 247

Trying the visual squash technique 247

Reframing – as if 249

Resolving Bigger Conflicts 251

Part IV: Using Words to Entrance 253

Chapter 15: Getting to the Heart of the Matter: The Meta Model 255

Gathering Specific Information with the Meta Model 256

Deletion – you’re so vague 259

Generalisation – beware the always, musts and shoulds 261

Distortion – that touch of imagination 264

Using the Meta Model 266

Taking two simple steps 266

Remembering a few caveats 267

Chapter 16: Unleashing the Power of Hypnosis 269

Discovering the Language of Trance – the Milton Model 270

Comparing language patterns and the Milton Model 271

Meeting other aspects of the Milton Model 272

Finding your own preferred model 274

Understanding the art of vagueness and why it’s important 274

Going Deeper into Hypnosis 276

Becoming comfortable with the idea of hypnosis 277

Experiencing everyday trances 279

Chapter 17: Telling Tales to Reach the Unconscious: Stories, Fables and Metaphors 283

Processing Stories and Metaphors 284

Understanding the Stories of Your Life 284

Getting to grips with storytelling basics 284

Working on your storytelling 285

Passing on a gift to the next generation 287

Grasping the Power of Metaphors 287

Using metaphors in NLP 288

Applying metaphors to find new solutions 289

Employing direct and indirect metaphors 290

Building Your Own Stories 291

Using the personal story builder journal 292

Discovering more ways to flex your storytelling muscles 293

Using subtle persuasion 294

Adding loops to your story: And this reminds me of 295

Chapter 18: Asking the Right Questions 299

Question‐Asking Tips and Strategies 300

Cleaning up your language: Removing bias 300

Recognising that the way you behave is what counts 305

Pressing the pause button 305

Testing your questions 306

Making positive statements the norm 306

Figuring Out What You Want 306

What do I want? 307

What’s that going to do for me? 307

Asking Questions to Help Make Decisions 308

Challenging Limiting Beliefs 309

Finding the Right Person for the Job: A Question of Motivation 310

What do you want in your work? 311

Why is that important? 311

How do you know that you’ve done a good job? 312

Why did you choose your current line of work? 312

Checking In with Yourself 313

Part V: Integrating Your Learning 315

Chapter 19: Dipping into Modelling 317

Developing New Skills through Modelling 318

Recognising that modelling is a natural human talent 320

Getting to a deeper structure 321

Discovering Modelling Case Studies 322

The reluctant exemplar 323

The rainmakers’ dance 324

Key Stages in Modelling 325

Knowing your modelling outcome 326

Identifying your exemplar 326

Finding a modelling method you can work with 327

Gathering your data 328

Building your model 329

Testing the prototype 330

Refining for simplicity 331

Chapter 20: Making Change Easier 335

Finding Clarity and Direction 336

Understanding the Structure of Change 337

The Kubler‐Ross grief cycle 337

Applying the NLP logical levels 340

Holding On to Values 346

Grasping the Importance of Clear Communication 346

Creating the Mindset for Change 348

Letting go of fear 348

Being willing to experiment 351

Getting Help on the Way 352

Strengthening resources 352

Pacing the future 353

Planning the road map 353

Taking One Step Forward 354

Making that initial move 354

Celebrating and gaining closure 354

Part VI: The Part of Tens 357

Chapter 21: Ten Applications of NLP 359

Developing Yourself 359

Managing Your Personal and Professional Relationships 360

Negotiating a Win–Win Solution 361

Motivating and Leading Staff 362

Creating Powerful Presentations 363

Managing Your Time and Precious Resources 365

Being Coached to Success 365

Using NLP to Support Your Health 366

Connecting to Your Audience: Advice for Trainers and Educators 367

Getting the Best Job for You 369

Chapter 22: Ten Books to Add to Your Library 371

Changing Belief Systems with NLP 371

The User’s Manual for the Brain 371

Core Transformation 372

Frogs into Princes 372

Influencing with Integrity 372

An Insider’s Guide to Sub‐Modalities 372

The Magic of Metaphor 373

Metaphors We Live By 373

Persuasion Skills Black Book 373

Presenting Magically 373

Chapter 23: Ten Films That Include NLP Processes 375

Avatar 375

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off 376

Dune 377

As Good as It Gets 378

Bend It like Beckham 379

Field of Dreams 380

Gattaca 380

The Matrix 381

Stand and Deliver 381

Philomena 382

NLP at the Cinema 383

Part VII: Appendixes 385

Appendix A: Resource List 387

Contacting the Authors 387

Online Resources 388

Appendix B: Rapport Building 389

Appendix C: The Well‐Formed Outcome Checklist 391

Appendix D: Submodalities Worksheet 393

Submodalities Worksheet 394

Index 395

About the Author

Nancy C. Muir is the owner of a writing and consulting company that specializes in business and technology topics. She has authored more than 100 books, including Laptops For Seniors For Dummies and iPhone For Seniors For Dummies. Nancy holds a certificate in Distance Learning Design and has taught Internet safety and technical writing at the college level.

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