Table of Contents

Acknowledgments.

Introduction.

PART ONE: THE POWER OF APOLOGY.

Chapter 1. Apology Is for Everyone.

Chapter 2. Why Learning to Give, Receive, and Ask for Apologies Is So Important.

Chapter 3. Why Apologizing Is Difficult for Some and Too Easy for Others.

PART TWO: LEARN HOW TO GIVE A MEANINGFUL APOLOGY.

Chapter 4. The Right and Wrong Way to Apologize.

PART THREE: LEARN HOW TO RECEIVE AND ACCEPT APOLOGIES.

Chapter 5. Opening the Door with Empathy.

Chapter 6. Overcoming the Seven Obstacles to Forgiveness.

Chapter 7. There Is a Time to Forgive--and a Time to Forget About Forgiving.

PART FOUR: LEARN HOW TO ASK FOR AN APOLOGY.

Chapter 8. Silince Isn't Always Golden.

PART FIVE: TRANSFORM ALL YOUR RELATIONSHIPS THROUGH APOLOGY.

Chapter 9. Healing Your Relationship with Yourself.

Chapter 10. Healing Your Past, Step 1: Make Your Apology List.

Chapter 11. Healing Your Past, Step 2: Make Amends.

Chapter 12. Healing Your Family When There Has Been an Estrangement.

Chapter 13. Healing Your Marriage or Romantic Relationship.

Chapter 14. Teach Your Children Well.

Chapter 15. Healing Your Business Relationships Through Respect and Compassion.

Chapter 16. Conclusion: The Apology Movement.

Appendix: Two Ideas to Consider: Apology Circles and Restorative Justice.

References.

Recommended Reading.

Index.

About the Author

BEVERLY ENGEL has been a psychotherapist for over twenty-five years. A recognized expert in the fields of relationships, women's issues, and abuse, she is the author of fourteen books, including Loving Him Without Losing You and The Emotionally Abusive Relationship (both from Wiley). Engel has been featured on Oprah, CNN, Ricki Lake, Sally Jessy Raphael, and other nationally syndicated programs.

Reviews

While forgiveness has become a ubiquitous theme in spirituality, recovery and New Age philosophy, the element of apology has been conspicuously absent. Engel (The Emotionally Abused Woman), a longtime therapist, takes it up as "a cause," claiming that this healing practice can prevent divorces, family estrangements, lawsuits and even atrocities like school shootings. Giving and receiving apologies for mistakes, oversights or offenses which many people avoid, sometimes for legal reasons are "crucial to our mental and physical health and well-being," she asserts. Failing to admit error and express regret "adds insult to injury" and "is one of the most blatant ways of showing disrespect," she says. Engel provides detailed information on how to make "meaningful apologies... that will be heard and believed," made up of the "three R's: regret, responsibility, and remedy." She is also unusually conscious of the gray areas, where apologizing or forgiving may be inappropriate or impossible, and where "overapologizing" may reflect low self-esteem. A particularly fresh and useful chapter on the workplace offers excellent practical advice for responding to unhappy clients, customers, co-workers, employers and employees. Unfortunately, Engel devotes little attention to the difficult task of asking for apologies, after declaring that "it is your responsibility" to do so when feeling injured. Her otherwise thorough and lucid guide to "this important but neglected aspect of forgiveness" will be welcomed by many who have struggled to ask forgiveness and to forgive. (Aug. 24) Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information.